Category: Blog

If you look at any type of map relating to geography, you see the boundaries of continents, countries, states, cities and so forth. If you look at a plat map you see the detailed boundaries of each individual parcel of land or lot.

Boundaries are and have always been, a way for us to determine where we belong and where we don’t. They provide order in our lives. Wars are fought over manmade lines on a map.

Wars are also fought over personal boundaries. I’m sure you, like me, have faced a few folks in your life who believe they have carte blanche on your feelings. They are master manipulators who apparently thrive on tearing us down in order to make themselves feel superior.

I’ve had one such person in my life for many, many years. In the beginning, I found myself feeling shell-shocked by this person’s behavior toward me. I admit my personal boundary meter was a little low back then and honestly, I didn’t realize people didn’t just try to be nice to other people. It never occurred to me to be rude, unaccepting and manipulative to people. I expected to be treated as I treated others. I certainly have never been saintly in all my words and actions, but it is still shocking to see how people will treat someone unprovoked.

I have wasted a lot of time and energy trying to wrap my mind around why this person dislikes me so much. I really hate to admit that…but it’s true. I wish instead I could say I never gave all the manipulation and rejection a second thought but that’s a lie. I still seek a rational explanation even though there is nothing rational about this person at least when it comes to me.

I suppose I could take some solace in the fact that I’m not the only one who has suffered emotionally from this person. But honestly, that just makes me angrier. My strong sense for desiring justice compounds my frustration with this person and anyone who seeks to lie and manipulate in order to get whatever they want.

As a Christ follower, I know I am not to repay evil for evil or insult with insult (1 Peter 3:9). However, I do believe in some situations we must simply walk away. For me, it’s called self-preservation. The emotional beating simply is unacceptable, and a wall must be erected around my heart so to speak, to keep this person from doing anymore damage. Walls and fences are effective boundaries and if done in the right way for the right reasons, I believe they are necessary for our hearts when faced with heart-stompers.

Scripture tells us to guard our hearts (Proverbs 4:23) and Jesus said, from within, out of men’s (and women’s) hearts, come evil (Mark 7:21). So, we must guard our own thoughts and actions, thus keeping our hearts as untainted as possible. Heart-stompers are out there ready to spew their toxicity—that’s what they do. It appears that’s what they live for. I’ll never understand the evil that lurks in people’s hearts, but the good news is, I’m not required to. I am required to live my life as someone who reflects the light of Christ. As hard as it feels right now, I’m required to forgive my heart-stompers and pray for them, but I don’t have to subject myself to their depraved need to manipulate and control.

I’m a little tired of the popular catchphrase in our culture, “hurt people, hurt people.” Yes, I agree with the psychology of this expression, but I also see the excuse in it too. Trust me when I say I know what it’s like to be hurt, shattered into a million unrecognizable pieces and what that did to my relationships and personal countenance. I also know how I have shattered someone else’s feelings and how I felt after doing that and how I had to seek forgiveness from them and for me. However, I fully believe some people know exactly what they are doing, they don’t want to heal and might also believe they have the right to behave poorly. They deserve it—someone must pay for their pain. Self-deceit and denial are enemies of the soul.

I have no control over the heart-stompers any more than you do. But I know who does and I know Jesus is my shelter, my shepherd, and my armor who guides me through the mine fields of heart-stompers. Because of Christ, I can stand against the arrows that are flung at me. Because of Christ I can stand when falling apart seems so much easier. Because of Christ, I am loved—not because I’m perfect or ever will be—but because of His love that is enduring forever and ever.

Blessings,

C. Deni Johnson

A friend of mine confided in me regarding a very devastating and cruel situation she finds herself in and the helplessness she feels. When I offered to sit down with her in person to just let her vent, cry, whatever she needed to do, she replied that the timing wasn’t good for various reasons and she better put all the pain in a box for a few weeks.

My immediate response was “we need a very big box.”

I have thought about her response—and mine—a lot. At first, I thought how it must be nice to compartmentalize pain—put it away and when ready, pull it back out for contemplation. I have never been able to do that. I typically agonize and suffer until I am exhausted and sometimes have exhausted those around me. I’m not sure which scenario is worse—burying it somewhere deep down until later or wearing it like a new outfit—but I am sure neither is optimal.

There have been many studies conducted and published regarding all the reasons why we are the way we are and thus think, react or retreat the way we do. I’ve personally spent a lifetime examining and reexamining my own life, and truth be told, I’ve attempted to also do that with many of the people in my life.

If you grew up in a family on planet Earth, you arrived at adulthood with your own set of coping skills. Some of those strategies are healthy and some are not. Most, if not all, of our coping strategies we derive from maneuvering through childhood within the walls of our family home. Hopefully, we learn how to give and take, forgive, share, communicate feelings effectively, respect for differences of opinion and personality, appropriate boundaries and so much more.

It’s when these wonderful aspects don’t all exist in your house—and we all know there is no perfect family unit—then we begin to find and create a way to cope with those things out of our control and sometimes are very scary to a child.

Some children will take on the responsibility for sheltering younger siblings from the brunt of the issues. He or she may feel responsible for what’s happening within the family or feel as though they should be able to stop it. Their younger siblings may look to them for comfort and protection from the adults in the home. It’s a heavy burden to shoulder.

An only child will most likely feel responsible for trying to keep the peace and be “an adult” in the situation even though he or she doesn’t have the capacity to do so. An only child may also take on the responsibility to make sure a parent is happy which of course is futile. Perfectionism and performance-ism can become the only child’s way of life.

I’ve been told by a few babies of the family, how they learned to simply stay under the radar and when necessary, even pretend to be asleep to avoid being drug into an unpleasant situation. For them, a lifetime of avoidance can become the preferred norm. Anything to avoid conflict and confrontation.

Some children merely slip into denial and spend the rest of their lives there at some level when it’s easier to do so. The list of possible outcomes is extensive and unique to every family and every individual.

If there was a life-altering event in the family unit, a death, divorce, illness, etc., these are game changers and can alter an entire family’s trajectory.

Sometimes it does take a very big box to hold all the pain. Maybe it’s time to open the box and let light and healing begin to empty it. We are all tired of carrying around our heavy, big box. May we have the courage to begin the process of seeking healing, rest and wholeness from the only source ready and able to provide it—Jesus.

If you, like me, occasionally find yourself stuck, still dealing with painful memories, unmet expectations or whatever is robbing your peace and joy, then swallow your pride and begin the journey of healing. The journey looks different for everyone but don’t go it alone. Find a trusted friend, a pastor or if needed, a licensed counselor.

Peace I leave with you; My [perfect] peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Do not let your heart be troubled, nor let it be afraid. [Let My perfect peace calm you in every circumstance and give you courage and strength for every challenge.]

John 14:27 (AMP)

C. Deni Johnson

“Live for today but hold your hands open to tomorrow. Anticipate the future and its changes with joy. There is a seed of God’s love in every event, every circumstance, every unpleasant situation in which you may find yourself.” Barbara Johnson (Author and Speaker)

Living in an area abundant with trees is a wonderful thing. As the seasons change, so do the leaves on some as they burst with brilliant hues of orange and yellow and then others remain green all year. The birds and squirrels take refuge in them and we are blessed with the shade they provide.

A few weeks ago, we were the unfortunate recipients of an early ice storm that brought electrical power lines and poles down along with tens of thousands of tree limbs and countless trees. As I sit here, two weeks later, all I can hear is the sound of a chainsaw grinding away outside. That sound has become all too familiar and constant.

Driving through our neighborhood and our small town, the devastation is heartbreaking. Trees that once canopied over the roads are now broken, their branches dangling or in most cases, piled up on the ground under them. As I was taking in all the damage, I thought about the concept of pruning—specifically as it is described in scripture.

I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunesso that it will be even more fruitful. You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.

John 15:1-4 (NIV)

Did you know the above phrase “he prunes” means “he cleans” in Greek?

Several years ago we had a Live Oak planted in our front yard in Texas. It was really small but it grew pretty fast. I simply don’t recall why I had an arborist come to look at it but I’ll never forget him saying the tree needed to be pruned; it needed to be cleared of some inner branches so that light could pass through the tree and consequently the whole tree would be healthier—it needed to be pruned—it needed to be cleaned out.

Perhaps many of the trees that suffered so much devastation a few weeks ago needed pruning, needed cleaning out. As I looked around, I noticed some trees withstood the storm better than others and were barely scathed or appeared to have sustained no damage at all.

Pruning will happen—either by design or by force. That applies to us as well. We can either seek to be pruned in preparation of the storms to come or we can wait and allow the extraneous branches in our lives to be cleaned out in an unexpected, and devasting storm.

An arborist will tell you if your trees need pruning so they can survive the storms that will inevitably come. But here is the Good News—the best news—if we let him, Jesus will remove those things in our life that are not good and he will prune and refine us to be disciples who are strong in our faith, able to stand firm.

Therefore, put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. Ephesians 6:13-17 (NIV)

I guess you could say Jesus is the consummate arborist. Amen.

C. Deni Johnson

November 10, 2020

Turn your haunting into healing, son.
Stop the guilt of living
beyond the years he was given.

You didn’t deserve the pain
but no one ever does,
just do the work and stop the rain.

You can’t change it,
You can’t rearrange it,
just do the work and
let it go.

He was so young and so were you—
No one can explain why,
But it wasn’t your fault you were
left to cry.

So much time has passed now,
He will forever be a part of you—
you are a living part of him.
your self-imposed life sentence
has been overturned—
let the grieving days go,
let the living days begin.

Turn your haunting into healing, son—it’s time to
let go.

C. Deni Johnson

April 8, 2020

I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the LORD
in the land of the living. Psalm 27:13 (NIV)

 

 

Almost a year ago I was walking across the house, tripped and landed on my right knee and in the process, broke my big toe on my right foot. Not my finest hour but most assuredly my most painful in a long time. Now keep in mind we had just moved into our new home and although I had already unpacked many boxes and had some semblance of order, there was much yet to do. It had to WAIT.

My sister-in-love loaned me a cane she had from a previous knee surgery and except for getting up to go to the restroom—which was nothing short of a dreaded excursion across the house—I sat with my leg propped up and ice on my knee and foot. Thankfully my husband was working from home for a few months, so he basically waited on me throughout the day. The weather was getting increasingly nicer each day and from my living room window I can see the golfers playing in the warm sunshine. I could barely walk 20 feet without sitting down. Golf had to WAIT.

If you know anything about me, you know I am always on the go. I love to walk outside and for 25 years I’ve walked 2-4 miles almost every day and absolutely prefer to do so outside. Also, it’s not uncommon for me to head out and shop all day—I may not spend a dime, but I love being out and about. Sitting, let alone sitting because I can’t do anything else is tough. I had to WAIT.

Not only was walking a short distance extremely difficult, driving was impossible. Just getting in and out of a car was excruciatingly painful and there was no way I could operate a car safely since my right leg was basically incapacitated. Driving had to WAIT.

The proverbial flashing hold button (for anyone under 40 you probably have no idea what I’m talking about) was on in my personal life. I had to heal. I had to take it one day at a time. There wasn’t anything else to do—I had to WAIT.

Fast forward a year and here I sit inside my home not because of an injury but because of the virus that has traveled the globe from China and created a pandemic. As instructed by health authorities and government officials, I am self-isolating. Just like everyone else, I WAIT.

This past December our best friends visited us for a few days. We were excited to show them a few of the fun things to do in our town and the surrounding areas. One day we ventured to the largest city in the area. Because parking is always a premium in an urban area, we parked and walked to our destinations. Using the crosswalks was very important for our safety. As the four of us stood that day waiting on the light to change, the crossing light “voice” would repeat…WAIT…WAIT…WAIT.

Throughout the rest of their visit and ever since, the four of us have laughingly told each other for various reasons—WAIT. Little did we realize that day, WE ALL would soon be told to WAIT.

So, while we wait, let’s not waste time. Waiting isn’t about doing nothing. Waiting can be about examining what is important. We are without so many distractions that bombard us moment-by-moment let’s not reach the other side of this and realize we wasted an opportunity to reset—to reexamine our schedules and priorities. We have no choice but to WAIT let’s not “waste the WAIT!”

My prayer is that we focus on Jesus, our marriages, our children and grandchildren, our extended families, our neighbors, communities, and our country. As believers, let’s focus on praying like never before and let’s see what Almighty God will do in our midst.

The hold button is flashing big time right now for all of us. We must heal physically, spiritually, emotionally and mentally. We must take it one day at a time. We will persevere. We must WAIT.

Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD.
Psalm 27:14 (NIV)

We live within the shadow of the Almighty, sheltered by the God who is above all gods.
This I declare, that he alone is my refuge, my place of safety; he is my God, and I am trusting him. For he rescues you from every trap and protects you from the fatal plague. He will shield you with his wings! They will shelter you. His faithful promises are your armor.  Now you don’t need to be afraid of the dark anymore, nor fear the dangers of the day; nor dread the plagues of darkness, nor disasters in the morning.
Psalm 91:1-6 (Living Bible)

WAIT!

According to statistics collected by the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCDAV); on average, almost 20 people per minute suffer physical abuse by an intimate partner in the United States equating to more than 10 million men and women per year. Four in 10 women and 4 in 10 men have experienced at least one form of coercive control by an intimate partner in their lifetime; 17.9% of women have experienced a situation where an intimate partner tried to keep them from seeing family and friends; 18.7% of women have experienced threats of physical harm by an intimate partner; 95% of men who physically abuse their intimate partners also psychologically abuse them.

Can you relate to any of these situations or know someone who can? Please keep reading…

The NCDAV defines domestic violence and psychological abuse as follows:

“The willful intimidation, physical assault, battery, sexual assault, and/or other abusive behavior as part of a systematic pattern of power and control perpetrated by one intimate partner against another. It includes physical violence, sexual violence, threats, and emotional/psychological abuse. The frequency and severity of domestic violence varies dramatically.”

“Psychological abuse involves trauma to the victim caused by verbal abuse, acts, threats of acts, or coercive tactics. Perpetrators use psychological abuse to control, terrorize, and denigrate their victims. It frequently occurs prior to or concurrently with physical or sexual abuse.”

I know personally what domestic abuse looks like and feels like.

As a young girl I saw the aftermath of severe physical beatings inflicted on my aunt by her husband. A few years later, I witnessed firsthand verbal and some physical abuse my own mother endured when her second husband was drinking heavily. As a teenager and young adult, I personally experienced emotional, mental and physical abuse at the hands of my boyfriend whom I married anyway. Why did I stay? Why did my aunt stay? Why did my mom stay? Why does anyone stay? Why not walk away—no, run from the person causing the emotional and physical pain? Every answer to these very rational questions is as unique as the persons experiencing the abuse. However, I do believe there exists some common/shared reasons among us all. It is complex, it’s insidious.

The abuse wasn’t immediate.

For the most part I think we can agree when meeting someone for the first time we tend to be on our best behavior. If we are single and going on a date we are typically very conscious of what we say and do. We want to make a good impression especially if we are attracted to this person.

When Chad (not his real name) first showed interest in me in high school I was a little surprised and flattered. We did the typical date thing for our time—bowling, movies, skating, etc. It was lighthearted and fun.

Probably after a year of being boyfriend/girlfriend the lightheartedness of the relationship began to change ever so gradually. Chad began insisting on knowing where I was at all times because he was so concerned about me. I told myself, “wow, he really does care about me!” By year two his concern was also including wanting to know who was I talking to and why? Around this same timeframe he no longer wanted me to hang out with my girlfriends. He would tell me something along the lines that if I really loved him I’d want to spend all my free time with him not others. Chad’s rationale was that he wanted to spend all his free time with me so if I didn’t want the same, then I must not really love him and we should break up. Then he would sulk and pretend he was crushed by the situation. Chad was a master manipulator and knew when and how to play the pity+break-up card until he got the outcome he desired.

Things got worse. Much worse.

Two plus years in Chad began making unfounded accusations about my desire to date other guys. I never knew when this irrational accusation would happen. Because it was not based on any truth, he would spring such an allegation on me without provocation or warning. His indictment was so vehement it was frightening. Why? Why without cause would someone launch into such a tirade over a nonexistent issue? Control.

Unfortunately, I began the process of convincing my sane self that this must be love—I knew better but now my heart was in it. Subtly, gradually, he was wanting to control every aspect of my life. He had somehow gotten into my head—I was spending an inordinate amount of time just trying to make sure I didn’t upset him—the wrath was moving from psychological to physical. Why did I stay?

Over time I realize now how I gave up my self-respect, my self-worth and my identity. It was a slow brainwashing of sorts. Most brainwashing is or we’d walk away. I allowed Chad to chip away my sense of self. I was being manipulated by someone who was irrationally aggressive. I became entangled with someone who found great pleasure in hurting me emotionally and eventually physically. Honestly, he seemed to delight in it—my tears surely made him feel powerful and triumphant. Why did I stay?

Domestic abuse/violence is or usually is, multi-faceted. The layers of mistreatment are added on one-step-at-a-time. Looking back, I realize how Chad would “try out” a new angle, a new accusation to see if it worked—testing its effectiveness in making me give up more control to him. After a while I found myself resolving it was better to apologize for something I didn’t do, agree with something I didn’t agree with in order to avoid his rage due to my disobedience. I was invisible—I ceased to exist. I was breathing but not truly alive.

If what I’ve said so far sounds familiar to you either personally or you know someone whom you believe is a victim of domestic abuse please keep reading. The following information is from the National Domestic Violence Hotline website (https://www.thehotline.org):

Domestic violence does not discriminate. Anyone of any race, age, sexual orientation, religion or gender can be a victim – or perpetrator – of domestic violence. It can happen to people who are married, living together or who are dating. It affects people of all socioeconomic backgrounds and education levels.

Domestic violence includes behaviors that physically harm, arouse fear, prevent a partner from doing what they wish or force them to behave in ways they do not want. It includes the use of physical and sexual violence, threats and intimidation, emotional abuse and economic deprivation. Many of these different forms of domestic violence/abuse can be occurring at any one time within the same intimate relationship.

Warning Signs of Domestic Violence

It’s not always easy to tell at the beginning of a relationship if it will become abusive.

In fact, many abusive partners may seem absolutely perfect in the early stages of a relationship. Possessive and controlling behaviors don’t always appear overnight, but rather emerge and intensify as the relationship grows.

Domestic violence doesn’t look the same in every relationship because every relationship is different. But one thing most abusive relationships have in common is that the abusive partner does many different kinds of things to have more power and control over their partner.

Some of the signs of an abusive relationship include a partner who:

• Tells you that you can never do anything right
• Shows extreme jealousy of your friends and time spent away
• Keeps you or discourages you from seeing friends or family members
• Insults, demeans or shames you with put-downs
• Controls every penny spent in the household
• Takes your money or refuses to give you money for necessary expenses
• Looks at you or acts in ways that scare you
• Controls who you see, where you go, or what you do
• Prevents you from making your own decisions
• Tells you that you are a bad parent or threatens to harm or take away your children
• Prevents you from working or attending school
• Destroys your property or threatens to hurt or kill your pets
• Intimidates you with guns, knives or other weapons
• Pressures you to have sex when you don’t want to or do things sexually you’re not comfortable with
• Pressures you to use drugs or alcohol

The following are common warning signs of each type of abuse. Experiencing even one or two of these behaviors in a relationship is a red flag that abuse may be present. Remember, each type of abuse is serious, and no one deserves to experience abuse of any kind, for any reason. If you have concerns about what’s happening in your relationship contact https://thehotline.org to talk to someone who will listen and support you!

Physical Abuse:

You may be experiencing physical abuse if your partner has done or repeatedly does any of the following tactics of abuse:

• • Pulling your hair, punching, slapping, kicking, biting or choking you
  • Forbidding you from eating or sleeping
  • Hurting you with weapons
  • Preventing you from calling the police or seeking medical attention
  • Harming your children
  • Abandoning you in unfamiliar places
  • Driving recklessly or dangerously when you are in the car with them
  • Forcing you to use drugs or alcohol (especially if you’ve had a substance abuse problem in the past)

Emotional Abuse:

You may be in an emotionally/verbally abusive relationship if you partner exerts control through:

• • Calling you names, insulting you or continually criticizing you
  • Refusing to trust you and acting jealous or possessive
  • Trying to isolate you from family or friends
  • Monitoring where you go, who you call and who you spend time with
  • Demanding to know where you are every minute
  • Trapping you in your home or preventing you from leaving
  • Using weapons to threaten to hurt you
  • Punishing you by withholding affection
  • Threatening to hurt you, the children, your family or your pets
  • Damaging your property when they’re angry (throwing objects, punching walls, kicking doors, etc.)
  • Humiliating you in any way
  • Blaming you for the abuse
  • Gaslighting (follow link for more info on gaslighting)
  • Accusing you of cheating and being often jealous of your outside relationships
  • Serially cheating on you and then blaming you for his or her behavior
  • Cheating on you intentionally to hurt you and then threatening to cheat again
  • Cheating to prove that they are more desired, worthy, etc. than you are
  • Attempting to control your appearance: what you wear, how much/little makeup you wear, etc.
  • Telling you that you will never find anyone better, or that you are lucky to be with a person like them

Financial Abuse:

Economic or financial abuse is when an abusive partner extends their power and control into the area of finances. This abuse can take different forms, including an abusive partner:

• • Giving an allowance and closely watching how you spend it or demanding receipts for purchases
  • Placing your paycheck in their bank account and denying you access to it
  • Preventing you from viewing or having access to bank accounts
  • Forbidding you to work or limiting the hours that you can work
  • Maxing out credit cards in your name without permission or not paying the bills on credit cards, which could ruin your credit score
  • Stealing money from you or your family and friends
  • Using funds from children’s savings accounts without your permission
  • Living in your home but refusing to work or contribute to the household
  • Making you give them your tax returns or confiscating joint tax returns
  • Refusing to give you money to pay for necessities/shared expenses like food, clothing, transportation, or medical care and medicine

(The website contains so much more information which may also be relevant to you or someone you know. The above is simply a sample of the vast content available.)

I truly wish I could have gotten my hands on this type of information during my relationship with Chad. (Side note here, it was the seventies. There was no internet.) I did go to the high school counselor once. I told him what I was experiencing—at least enough that I thought he might help me. He put some different colored cards in front of me, told me to rank them by my favorite to least favorite—made a few notes and we were done. No follow up—nothing. In my naiveté at the time I thought I was letting various adults know I was in trouble but apparently no one picked up on it or I was doing a very poor job of crying for help. People just thought I was crying; was even voted by my classmates as the girl who cried a lot.

There was a reason for those tears. Don’t ignore your own tears and don’t ignore the tears of someone else.

Why did I stay in such a volatile situation for as long as I did? I lost myself—I was disoriented. I had walked the tightrope so long I didn’t know how to do anything else. I had been in survival mode so long I had no idea who I was let alone who I could be—who God had created me to be.

Relational abuse/violence can happen to anyone. Maybe some of us are more vulnerable than others—I’m not sure. I am absolutely sure there is not one person on this earth who has the right to abuse you or me.

Abuse is not love. Abuse is cruel, demeaning and dangerous. Abuse can be multigenerational destroying lives for generations to come.

I pray courage over you. Courage to seek safety for you and your children.

The National Domestic Hotline number is 1−800−799−7233. The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence website is: https://ncadv.org

Teach me how to live, O Lord.
Lead me along the right path,
for my enemies are waiting for me.
Do not let me fall into their hands.
For they accuse me of things I’ve never done;
with every breath they threaten me with violence.
Yet I am confident I will see the Lord’s goodness
while I am here in the land of the living.

 Wait patiently for the Lord.
Be brave and courageous.
Yes, wait patiently for the Lord.

Psalm 27:11-14 (NLT)

Blessings and Peace,

C. Deni Johnson

September 2019

“That was the straw that broke the camel’s back!”

“That was the last straw!”

These are phrases I grew up hearing quite often and I’ve used them myself but usually in a flippant manner with no intention of truly calling it quits (there have been a few exceptions over the years). Recently while talking to a friend about a very painful situation in her life I realized how powerful the “straw” really can be. We all reach the straw test with someone at some point in our lives. It’s the invisible emotional line that is crossed one too many times and it can be a game changer.

In case you aren’t familiar with this idiom here’s a parable I found at Bloomsbury-International.com regarding the straw:

Centuries ago in the Middle East, straw (dried grass or grain) was used for weaving or building and could be bought and sold by traders, who transported their goods using camels. An Arabian story described a man who made his camel carry as much straw as possible. Still unsatisfied with the huge weight being carried by the animal, the man added a single last piece of straw. This last straw proved too much for the camel to bear and he collapsed with a broken back, leaving the man with no way to take his goods to market. The story is a metaphor for the times when someone faces repeated problems or is badly treated again and again until finally, one small thing pushes them to the point of explosion. They might get angry and retaliate or decide “enough is enough” and try to change their situation. We use this idiom to highlight the problem that finally created too much pressure to cope with, saying “it was the last straw” or “it was the straw that broke the camel’s back”

Everyone has experienced this right? Our patience, our trust, or perhaps our love is tested over and over until we grow weary of trying. We reach a limit—and we never know what the limit is until we reach it—and that’s the scary part. Of course it can go the other way and we are the ones pushing and pushing until we push someone too far and create an explosion or a chasm or both.

No doubt there are countless excuses for our behavior—sometimes we know exactly why we are pressing an issue and are determined to do so but sometimes it seems we can’t stop even though we know we should.

I believe as I look at my own life experiences and ponder my straw moments, pride is probably the biggest factor at play. Without fail, the times when I’m ready to walk, to quit, to throw in the towel are those instances when I feel betrayed, unappreciated, embarrassed, rejected or unloved. In defense of my own pride I normally react in one of two ways—I either retreat or retaliate. And let me say at this point, there are situations and people we SHOULD get away from because they are toxic and unhealthy.

Yes, we all can reach the point of exasperation with our spouse, children, parents, boss, friends or any number of circumstances—even our home church. I believe our last straw moments (given we aren’t talking about a toxic or dangerous situation) are opportunities to grow personally in our faith as Jesus followers if we can get beyond our own smugness and also the need to be right at all costs.

Of course there are those situations with someone whom we love deeply and they once again break our heart, our prayers appear unanswered and we want to just give up and walk away because we’ve had so many straw moments we’ve lost count and yet we know Jesus is saying, “Love them anyway.” And so we put our frustration and humiliation back where it belongs—at the feet of Jesus—and we forgive and we love them anyway. We are sometimes brought to our knees in the midst of a straw moment and I guess that’s good because that is exactly how we are to live.

Therefore God exalted him to the highest place

    and gave him the name that is above every name,

 that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow,

    in heaven and on earth and under the earth,

 and every tongue acknowledge that Jesus Christ is Lord,

    to the glory of God the Father.

Philippians 2:9-11

C. Deni Johnson

Recently while talking to a friend I found myself telling her a story I hadn’t thought of in years. I honestly don’t remember what Lauren said that sparked my recollection of this memory and subsequent story, but as the tears welled up in my eyes, I found myself in a bit of a personal revelation that surprised even me.

When I was about five years old, my dad’s mother passed away. One of the household items my dad received was my grandmother’s large oak sideboard. My parents placed it on the second floor in a storage area. I remember climbing those stairs and playing in that dirty, dingy area many times and without fail, I always took notice of the sideboard. It seemed so grand and elegant to me.

Fast forward ten years, my dad is gone and my mother has remarried and we have moved off the farm to a new place. Honestly, the last thing on my mind at the time was my grandmother’s sideboard and I guess I never questioned where it was—it wasn’t sitting in the dining room or anywhere else in the new house.

Strangely it wasn’t until I was in my mid-twenties and married that I began thinking about that old, oak sideboard. I remember asking my mom where it was; what happened to it? She said she left it behind when she remarried—she never liked it and didn’t move it. It had been left behind. The only physical remnant I had from my grandmother was long gone. I felt sick to my stomach. And I have no explanation as to why it took me so many years to inquire about it. I suppose I can reason that because my life had been in so much turmoil beginning in my early teen years the whereabouts of an antique sideboard just wasn’t on my radar. I take little solace in that fact.

A few years later I went on a hunt for an antique sideboard and found one that was in good condition for a price we could afford. It’s very different than my grandmother’s German-inspired sideboard. This one has Queen-Anne legs and is much smaller than I remember my grandmother’s being. But my perspective may be skewed. We bought it 20 years ago this year and even though it is a little wobbly and doesn’t fit my décor or current style preference, I can’t bear the thought of selling or giving it away. In the midst of downsizing and getting rid of so much stuff, I can’t even contemplate parting with this piece of furniture. It has no personal family history for us—but as bazaar as it sounds, I guess it symbolizes—in a tangible way—my connection to my dad and his mom. It has served as a physical substitute for the sideboard left behind so long ago.

The tears that welled up in my eyes when telling this story to Lauren were not born from the sadness of not having my grandmother’s sideboard. The tears are about connection—connection to family whom we have known well and to those whom we have either known briefly or never at all. I was just a little girl when my grandmother went to be with Jesus. I never really knew her, but I honor her and I’ll probably just hang on to this substitute sideboard and think about her every time I look at it.

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother”—which is the first commandment with a promise—“so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.”

Ephesians 6:1-3

C. Deni Johnson

I had just finished mowing the back yard about an hour earlier. After grabbing a bite to eat I went back outside to check on my newly planted flowers and basically admire my freshly cut grass. I was on my way to the front yard via our side yard gate when in my peripheral vision something catches my attention. I stopped and took a closer look although not another step…yup it’s a snake! I walk backwards and go inside and exit again through the garage. There it is lying right up next to the house. I’d say it was about 5 feet in length. I have chill bumps thinking and writing about it a day later. I don’t like snakes! I don’t believe this one was poisonous but I’m not an expert on snakes so who knows. Copperheads are plentiful here in the country especially with all our big trees at least that’s what I’m told…

Oh yes we have scorpions here too. They apparently love to come into your house. The first summer we lived here I killed probably 30 scorpions inside my home. Last year while getting out of my car (inside our garage) and wearing flip flops, I was stung by a scorpion on my toe. I was in excruciating pain for the next 8 hours and it took over 4 weeks for the toe to heal. I don’t like scorpions either.

Needless to say I take great satisfaction and comfort in Luke 10:19:

I have given you authority to trample on snakes and scorpions and to overcome all the power of the enemy; nothing will harm you.

Of course this scripture isn’t literally talking about crushing scorpions and snakes in our homes and yards but rather symbolizes the presence of Satan in the world. Like snakes and scorpions, Satan sometimes is right there in front of us and easy to see, easy to define and defy. Other times however, he is hidden and not so easy to see or recognize and that’s when he’s the most dangerous. Metaphorically speaking, we can walk right up on him or he can be living under our roof, infiltrating our homes through the internet, television, music and other ways but we don’t see him—we don’t recognize the danger until we feel the sting and the pain. We have been and continue to be anesthetized to the evil in the world; we now call evil good and good evil. (Isaiah 5:20) We have created a culture whereby those who speak of Jesus and the Word of God are seen as purveyors of bigotry and are told to step aside, sit down and shut up. To some extent, in my humble opinion, we Jesus followers must share some responsibility for this perception held today by so many folks. However, Jesus haters are nothing new and scripture is filled with accounts of those who hated Jesus and everything he stood for and they hated the people who stood for him.

How pleased Satan must be with the United States today. His tireless efforts for generations is bearing much fruit. We are literally marching in the streets to save animals from being abused and/or euthanized (and I am totally against abusing anything or anyone) and at the same time marching in the streets demanding the “right” to kill our unborn human babies. An animal killed in a zoo setting in order to save a small child is mourned and deified while the mother of the child is disdained. Shouldn’t we be rejoicing that the child survived and direct our anger at the fact that an enclosure housing a dangerous animal was able to be penetrated by someone other than zoo staff? Isn’t that the real question here? Where is our common sense? Where is our discernment? At what point did our society decide human life simply isn’t important? At least someone else’s life…

I could go on and on with examples of the enemy at work in our country but I’ll save that for another time. What is important to say is that as Jesus followers, we are called to put on the full armor of God every day:

Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes.  For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.  Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. (Ephesians 6:11-17)

As you can see in this passage, we are told to STAND against Satan’s tactics not slink off and huddle up in fear and judgment and basically render ourselves impotent. We have been given the power and authority in the name of Jesus to stand firm against the evil that prevails all around us—it is our responsibility to do so. In a culture that exceedingly demands Jesus followers to step aside, sit down and shut up, we must stand firm illuminating the love of Christ. We don’t march with vaginas on our heads, we instead go into our communities and feed the poor and the hungry. We volunteer in homeless shelters and battered women’s shelters. We join efforts to rebuild homes and communities ravaged by natural disasters and war and the list goes on. The point is we don’t march around demanding change—we create it through displaying the love of Christ. We don’t seek applause or votes BUT we do vote. Most importantly we pray—without ceasing, we pray.

Let’s remind ourselves again that Jesus did not sit in a holy huddle with his disciples and wait for the needy to come to him. He went out into a hostile world and ministered to the sick, the poor, the depraved and the forgotten. We are called to do the same. Ask yourself this question:

What breaks your heart?

Whatever the answer(s) begin there. If you aren’t sure how to get started then ask a pastor or a trusted friend. Let’s not let the fear of “snakes and scorpions” keep us from engaging in the community around us. Adults and children are waiting on us to find the courage to make a difference in the name of Jesus—not because we are so special but because we serve someone who is special—the King of Kings, the one true Savior—Christ Jesus. Amen.

C. Deni Johnson

One of my closest friends recently returned from a trip to Sweden. It’s a long story but the gist is her daughter was selected to participate in a Swedish television show last summer. The show is about Americans finding their Swedish relatives and along the journey participate in various competitions. Anyway, through the course of this program, my friend’s daughter was introduced to several of their relatives who invited them to come to Sweden for a family reunion of sorts.

A few days after my friend returned home, she called and we talked about her trip. She said it was a wonderful experience and her Swedish relatives were all extremely gracious and welcoming. She made a reference about how cool it was to connect to family—family who, before last summer she didn’t even know existed. As soon as we ended our phone call I felt the need to write these words: I realize once again how important it is to feel connected—connected to people who are, by blood, connected to us.

Needing to feel connected is nothing new to me and it’s not new to you either. We all need to connect to other people. We were never intended to live in isolation—we are not made to live solitary lives. But given my circumstances, I had to explore my initial thoughts about needing a blood connection.

As an only child I obviously never had a sibling relationship. However, I did have a lot of extended family on both sides and growing up I felt a bond to a few of them—not a strong connection—but a connection nonetheless. But with the loss of my dad when I was twelve, and the remarriage of my mother by the time I was fourteen, I slowly lost almost all communication with my dad’s side of the family. And with the existence of widespread emotional cutoff in my mother’s family, it was easy to lose touch with most of them. As I approached my early teens, I began forming strong friendship bonds with a select few girlfriends and I became like an “extra” child within their families—I was made to feel like a part of their family even to the point of being invited to go on vacation with them a few times. Looking back I felt connected but I knew deep down, I wasn’t one of them—I was welcomed but I “belonged” somewhere else to someone else.

After a rough beginning in my early twenties, I found the love of my life, we married and had two beautiful children—a son then a daughter. Five years into our marriage we moved to Texas. Shortly thereafter, I was able to stay home and raise our children. I cherished my role as a stay-at-home mom.

So fast forward and here I am, married for over thirty years, both children are married and have families of their own. Funny, how that happens. You spend your youthful adult years raising children and then one day, you have to let them go—that’s what it means to raise a family—we raise them to launch them but I found it not only redefined our nuclear family unit, it redefined my role as a mom in ways I didn’t and couldn’t see coming.

The void created with the onset of my empty nest was tough. It took a few years but my old adversary “aloneness” crept back into my consciousness when I no longer had the day-to-day interaction with my children. I found that simply getting busy didn’t help—this was a deep sense of being alone—not lonely but alone. I found myself thinking about myself as an orphan—a lot. One synonym of the word orphan is stray which is interesting to me because the word stray can refer to losing one’s way, to drift. Have you ever felt like you have somehow lost your way? Do you ever feel like you are merely drifting through each day all alone? It was during this very difficult time that I had the following experience and I pray that in sharing this story you are encouraged.

Jen and I were attending a monthly mentor leadership meeting. As is customary, after the meeting anyone who desires prayer takes a seat in the middle of the room and everyone else gathers around and prays over her. Jen asked to be prayed over that morning. After we finished praying but before she got up from the chair, she asked where I was, was I still there? I said “I’m right here” then she said “I believe the Lord wants me to tell you “you are not an orphan.” The moment she spoke those words I fell to my knees and sobbed almost uncontrollably. There was no human explanation as to why Jen would speak those words…I had never shared with Jen or anyone else how I felt like an orphan…how alone I have felt much of my life. God met me where I was that day and through Jen, reassured me I am not an orphan, I am not alone.

Now back to my thought “I realize once again how important it is to feel connected—connected to people who are, by blood, connected to us.” Biological family ties can be wonderful, rich relationships. They can also be difficult and heartbreaking. Thankfully, we are not, as Jesus followers, limited to our bio families for blood connections. We are, as believers in Jesus, connected to each other through our salvation, our new birth—we are brothers and sisters—heirs through the blood of Christ.

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! By his great mercy he gave us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, that is, into an inheritance imperishable, undefiled, and unfading. 1 Peter 1:3-4 (NET)

How thankful I am that Jesus looked upon this only child and knew I would want/need connections that extended well beyond my familial ties. He has so graciously provided those all my life. And when those tough days come and I feel like an orphan—a little lost and alone—I know that I know I am not! I am sealed in the blood of Christ. I am not alone! Amen.

C. Deni Johnson