Month: February 2016

“I looked for someone among them who would build up the wall and stand before me in the gap…”   Ezekiel 22:30 (NIV)

Have you ever said yes to a ministry opportunity and then very quickly realized you may have made a mistake?

I wish I could say that situation just never happens to me because I pray through every decision and completely wait upon the Holy Spirit’s prompting and guidance. However, if I’m honest, I have to admit there have been times when I said yes knowing in my heart my answer should be no.

The most recent ministry experience that seemed to initially fall under this category for me was very different. When first approached with the opportunity to serve in this ministry I said I would pray about it—a good start. And I did pray and seek the Lord. I had received another request from another ministry leader at about the same time for a much different role and I responded with “I will pray about it.” Another good and truthful reply—I did pray about both opportunities and ultimately believed I had my answer. I knew which one I would accept and which one I would decline.

It wasn’t long before I found myself questioning my decision and wondering if I really heard from the Lord.

I’m sure I’m not alone with these doubts especially for those of us who believe we are being obedient only to find ourselves in the midst of a very painful ministry situation. When ministry is painful and every effort appears to be just one more failure it’s hard to not doubt. I mean we talk about the joy of ministry and we know how good we feel when we are making a difference—when we know we are being used by the Lord as a way for Him to reach others. So where does that leave us when everything about our experience leaves us feeling defeated, rejected and seeing ourselves as a failure?

Perhaps the answer is the Lord needed us to be a gap-filler—called to bridge a gap created by someone else. Maybe it’s not that we didn’t hear and obey the Holy Spirit—we did. We were obedient and just because the experience was personally painful, doesn’t mean we failed. We simply persevered. And although our efforts appeared to us to be in vain; we must trust that God makes no mistakes and if we served Him with a pure heart and a pure motive then His will was done. It doesn’t matter that we aren’t skipping away from the encounter feeling really good about our experience—it only matters that we were obedient. And it’s in our obedience that we truly see the hand of God in our lives—sometimes He’s pruning away something that needs to go but sometimes He’s taking us to a place of peace and communion with Him we’ve never experienced before. Sometimes it’s both.

C. Deni Johnson

Recently I had the privilege to co-lead a small, intimate overnight retreat for six young women ranging in age from 24 to 35. As our evening began to unfold and everyone began engaging in conversation a common thread emerged among these girls. We were talking about trusting the Lord and how trust is a difficult thing for many of us—especially those of us who struggle with being control freaks.

As the conversation deepened, one of the girls said she believes her trust issues derive from her relationship with her dad or the lack thereof. Another girl quickly chimed in that she too believes her battle with trusting others as well as the Lord is at least partially due to her dad not being a part of her life. Every girl seemed to agree either in theory or personally that not having her dad in her life or not having a loving, trusting relationship with her dad has or would impact her ability to trust others—even the Lord.

I wasn’t surprised by these analogies given my dad was killed in a car accident when I was 12 years old and my life was radically changed from that moment forward. I know personally how important a dad’s love is and how difficult it is to grow up without the guidance and love of your dad. So, is there a correlation between losing, not ever knowing or not having a good relationship with our earthly fathers and the ability to trust our Heavenly Father and others?

There is no doubt in my mind our life experiences mold and shape each of us and we are to some extent the sum total of those experiences. We learn to avoid or seek out certain circumstances and people depending upon past experiences and relationships. But if we just focus on one important relationship the father/daughter bond, I believe there is an innate desire within every little girl to be the apple of her daddy’s eye. In other words, we desire to feel important to and protected by—I believe we first desire these two things from our earthly dads and ultimately must seek and accept them from our Heavenly Father.

“Keep me as the apple of your eye, hide me in the shadow of your wings.” (Psalm 17:8)

So does the relationship between a girl and her dad have a permanent impact on her ability to trust others and most importantly, the Lord? Are we doomed to walk this earth fearful, unable to trust anyone even Jesus, if we didn’t have our dad in our lives growing up, or he was there but absent/not engaged or he was abusive, critical, overbearing? Thankfully the answer is no.

No matter how difficult or heartbreaking the relationship was/is with our dad, we must decide to move beyond the brokenness and stop embracing it. I’m not saying block it out and pretend it didn’t happen—just the opposite. I’m saying we have to make a daily decision to embrace who we are in Christ. We are not alone. We are not fatherless (Psalm 68:5), our Heavenly Father is, always has been and always will be our protector; we are important to Him—as a believer we are His child!

I lift up my eyes to the mountains—where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth. He will not let your foot slip—he who watches over you will not slumber; indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep. The Lord watches over you—the Lord is your shade at your right hand; the sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night. The Lord will keep you from all harm—he will watch over your life; the Lord will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore. (Psalm 121:1-8)

One final thought…one of the most important things we must do whether our dad is alive or not is to forgive him. Forgive him for dying (Yes, I had to do that. Sounds crazy but I was angry for years after he died), forgive him for leaving your family and not being a part of your life, forgive him for his shortcomings as a dad, perhaps you must forgive him for abusing you in ways you simply can’t talk about. Whatever it was or is—forgive him.

Next, understand our significance, acceptance, security and ability to trust comes from the Lord. So if like me, you struggle with any or all of these issues, Jesus is waiting to transform your life.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. (Proverbs 3:5-6)

Those who know your name trust in you, for you, Lord, have never forsaken those who seek you. (Psalm 9:10)

The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and he helps me. My heart leaps for joy, and with my song I praise him. (Psalm 28:7)

Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. (Romans 12:2)

C. Deni Johnson

As my husband and I sat and watched a TV special on the band “The Eagles” for probably the third time since its original airing 3 or 4 years ago, a comment by lead singer and drummer, Don Henley, stunned me and I couldn’t believe it had not resonated with me on a previous viewing. I looked at my hubby and repeated the statement to him and immediately grabbed my computer and logged the quote for later reflection:

“There’s a fine line between the American dream and the American nightmare.”

I’m not sure what Mr. Henley’s personal inference was with this statement but for me, I felt a tug in my spirit and I knew why.

Just for reference, I Googled “American Dream” and on Wikipedia found the following information regarding the history of the phrase. I find it very interesting:

“The meaning of the “American Dream” has changed over the course of history, and includes both personal components (such as home ownership and upward mobility) and a global vision. Historically the Dream originated in the mystique regarding frontier life. As the Royal Governor of Virginia noted in 1774, the Americans “for ever imagine the Lands further off are still better than those upon which they are already settled”. He added that, “if they attained Paradise, they would move on if they heard of a better place farther west.”

Well, well, well…the Royal Governor could be describing a lot of us today—convinced our current status, location, vocation, marriage (the list is endless) is less than it should be or could be to the point we are so discontent we don’t appreciate what we do have. In other words, believing the grass is always greener on the other side.

Discontent is defined as “not happy with your situation, dissatisfied.” However, being discontent isn’t always a bad thing. Discontentment can be the fuel for personal growth. When discontentment moves us from apathy to action to bring about positive outcomes for others and sometimes ourselves then we can find joy and meaning in our efforts. But if we are instead like the Israelites who were so quick to forget how God had guided them, fed them and protected them then we can easily fall prey to discontentment that can be devastating emotionally, physically and financially. We can find ourselves in our own personal desert looking back and realizing how selfish and careless we were with the blessings received from the Lord.

I have certainly fallen prey many times to discontentment and normally it came and still comes in the form of wanting more and better. It is so easy to look around and notice others are living in much grander homes, driving much more expensive and luxurious cars, wearing much nicer jewelry, traveling to exotic places and the list goes on. Like you, I don’t even have to leave my living room to covet. All I have to do is sit at my computer and surf the web (or Facebook) to see infinite examples of things I don’t have and places I don’t go.

However, if instead, I look around at what I do have I am humbled that the Lord has seen fit to bless my family in spite of my covetous spirit. He has redeemed mistakes I’ve made because of my short-sightedness and lack of gratitude. Are there consequences to the choices I’ve made in haste and greed? Yes. My husband and I began slowly crossing the fine line and allowed our American dream to eventually morph into a cycle of discontentment—and there, drowning in the self-made dissatisfaction, we finally came to our knees and sought the Lord and gratefully discovered the beauty of simplicity. The English writer, G.K. Chesterton says it quite well, “There are two ways to get enough. One is to accumulate more and more. The other is to desire less.”

Do I still struggle with discontentment? Sure. But I remind myself of what dissatisfaction can do to my sense of peace and the roads it has and can take me down and I stop—and reflect on where we’ve been and I don’t want to cross the “fine line” again and replace our God-given dreams for an enemy-driven nightmare.

Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.” Hebrews 13:5 (NIV)

C. Deni Johnson

My friend Susan called the other evening to tell me her latest story about her Shih-Poo puppy Max. A few days earlier she and her granddaughter put Max and his big brother Sam in the car and headed to the vet because Max was due for some vaccinations. She said it was a beautiful afternoon so they had the car windows down a little more than halfway so the dogs could let the wind blow in their face on the way out of her subdivision.

As Susan was passing by the neighborhood swimming pool Max suddenly leaped out of the car window! He landed on his feet and began running straight for the pool. Stunned, Susan hit the brake, put the car in park and got out to chase after him. One of her neighbors saw what happened and immediately grabbed Max before he got too far and handed him back to his frazzled owner. Susan laughingly said she guessed Max didn’t like the plan laid out for the day and wanted to swim instead. Fortunately little Max didn’t sustain any injuries.

Later that evening I was thinking back over her story and it occurred to me that I can be pretty quick to jump out of a window too—figuratively speaking. There have been so many times in my life when I knew I had a plan, a God-given plan, but things weren’t going as I thought they should. So my response was/is to bail and begin a new plan. Maybe you can’t relate, but sometimes I let fear birth anxiety and ultimately fuel impatience in my daily life. I convince myself that if I’m not seeing progress then I must have made a wrong turn somewhere. When waiting on the Lord for answers or evidence of spiritual fruit takes days that turn into weeks and then months or years—well, honestly, I can lose focus and faith.

Of course I realize this isn’t how we are to walk-out our Christian faith. I wonder how many times the Lord has watched me leap right out of His plan into a plan of my own making, perhaps merely seconds before revelation was coming my way?

Thank you precious Jesus that when I veer off course or simply jump out of your plan, your scripture reminds me to trust in you (Proverbs 3:5) and to not be anxious about anything (Phil 4:6). You tell me to be still (Psalm 46:10) and rest in the fact that you, my Savior, have the perfect plan—a roadmap for every minute of every day. Amen.

C. Deni Johnson

Birds have always fascinated me. I remember as a little girl lying on my back in the cool summer grass watching the birds glide and circle in the air. The grace and beauty of their seemingly effortless flight intrigued me even then.

Many times I would see hundreds and hundreds of birds perched on the telephone lines. My dad would always say “the birds are sittin on the line, it’s going to rain.” Too funny, to this day I still say that very phrase to myself when I see birds lined up on the powerlines.

Living in suburbia for over 30 years surrounded by concrete and steel meant only seeing a few sparrows and a lot of grackles. So after getting settled in our new country home a few years ago, we put up bird feeders and I was and still am, simply amazed by the variety of beautiful birds out here—finches, orioles, blue jays and cardinals. Tiny humming birds hover at the sugar-water feeder. It is mesmerizing to sit and watch these various shapes and sizes of birds feast.

Yes, I guess you could say birds have always fascinated me and actually, some of my favorite scriptures reference birds. But last year when the Lord chose to speak to me through two different people both with a reference to birds…well, you could have knocked me over with a feather…

About a year and a half ago, I felt the Holy Spirit tell me to propose and to lead a new ministry for a certain group of girls within our church’s mentoring program. I laid out a plan and we launched the ministry six months later. Even though I had prayed over this ministry for months and our church leadership had been doing the same, I was battling a lot of anxiety the day of the launch. There were two unanswered questions. First, would anyone step up to help me lead and secondly, would anyone show up to participate? There had been a few girls indicate interest but it is church ministry—there could be a room-full or no one. Plus, the one person I felt the Lord had laid on my heart to help me had told me the night before she simply couldn’t take on the role. So on my way to the ministry kickoff event (I have an hour drive to church) I simply prayed and asked the Lord for “someone to show up.” That plea covered both concerns.

One by one that evening the girls began to arrive. There were five. As I began introducing myself I saw Jen walking around the corner and into our room. I was stunned! I said, “What are you doing here? I thought you said you couldn’t help out.” Jen looked at me and said, “I’ll tell you what happened to me today after the meeting.”

When our meeting was over and everyone had left, Jen began to tell me what had transpired earlier that day. She said during her quiet time she was looking out her window and in the fog she could see a lone bird perched at the top of a tree. She quickly snapped a picture of the bird and in that moment she heard the Holy Spirit speak these words, “show up for her, she feels alone—she is not.”

Wow. The Lord didn’t just give Jen the exact words I had prayed but He provided a beautiful illustration of how I was feeling! Only God.

He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart. Psalm 91:4 (NIV)

That’s not all He had for me that evening. There was more.

As I was heading to my car I saw a couple of the girls from our group talking. I was very surprised they were still there because Jen and I had been inside for quite some time. I waved at them and as I walked to my car one of the girls approached me and asked if she could talk to me. I said sure and then she began telling me that while I was talking during the meeting she had a vision. Go on. She proceeds to say she could see me “standing alone at the edge of a cliff.” Okay, now I’m freaking out a little. She continued, “You confidently fell forward and in that moment an eagle swooped in and carried you on its wings.”

Thank goodness we were standing outside because I NEEDED air! If the enemy had managed to plant any doubt in my mind over the creation of this ministry the Lord crushed those doubts as only He can do—subtly, personally and undeniably!

You yourselves have seen what I did to Egypt, and how I carried you on eagles’ wings and brought you to myself. Exodus 19:4 (NIV)

C. Deni Johnson